MY MARRIAGE! MY HOME & FAMILY
MY MARRIAGE! MY HOME AND FAMILY
My Marriage! My Home and Family – The new home and family
You need to leave the extended family physically, financially and emotionally to start the new home and family. You don’t build your marriage thus your new home and family with the ideologies and principles from your extended family. Many marriages fail because we bring in the doctrines and principles of our old family into the new one without considering the differences in backgrounds of spouse. It is assume that you marry not only your spouse but the entire family, giving them the same respect as you give to your family. However, we marry from the family and not for the family and therefore your marriage must be separated from the extended family. Your loyalty should be to the new home and family formed with your spouse through the marriage. Set boundaries between the new family and the extended family. Deal with your marriage issues at home. If you have a problem in the marriage, you need to resolve it in the marriage since it has become your new home and family.
My Marriage! My Home and Family – Uniqueness, Acceptance and Love
Your partner is not you. He or she is other, created in God’s image, not yours. He or she has a right to be other, to be treated and respected as other. How do you learn to adjust to the differences in your partner without losing who you are? How do you learn to appreciate another person’s uniqueness? How can you learn to live with this person who is so different from you? The question is, “When you marry, do you end up marrying someone who is your opposite or someone who is similar?” The answer is, “Yes.” It’s both. There will be similarities as well as differences, and you have to learn to adjust to both. Although, there are different types of love in the system but paying much attention to these three types will make ones marriage a home and family. Eros is the love that seeks sensual expression. Eros is a romantic love, sexual love. The husband and wife, in a good marriage, will love each other romantically and erotically.
In a good marriage the husband and wife are also friends. Friendship means companionship, communication, and cooperation. This is known as Philia. Agape is self-giving love, gift love, the love that goes on loving even when the other becomes unlovable. Agape love is not just something that happens to you; it’s something you make happen. If individuals would put forth effort purposely to increase Philia and Agape love, all three types of love would increase. The friendship love of Philia can enhance and enrich both of the others. The Agape love in turn can increase and enhance the others. Both Agape and Philia can enrich the Eros love so it does not have to diminish as much as it usually does. It too can flourish if properly nurtured, and if so, the other types of love are reinforced. But all three must be given conscious effort.
My Marriage! My Home and Family – My Expectations
There are three very common expectations that couples have for their marriage. First, couples expect their marriage will work out and not end in divorce. This is an excellent goal, but what will be done to make it a reality? Therefore, there is the need to make this expectation an important concern in findings ways to make it a reality. Another expectation couples have is fidelity. They expect that they will be faithful to each other. After all, infidelity as commonly conceived would be out of the question in a Christian marriage. Fidelity, however, involves not only sexual faithfulness, but other areas of faithfulness as well. What we need in marriage is creative fidelity. This means being sensitive to the needs of each other, supporting your partner, and being with him or her emotionally and physically.
Couples also expect their marriage to progress smoothly onward and upward without any major upheavals or adjustments. It has been suggested that most couples go through these three stages. And these stages must be carefully looked at in making our marriage our home and family. They are the Enchantment stage (such words are used at this stage; Perfect, Just right, Forever, and Infatuated), Disenchantment stage (such words are declared during this stage; Terrible, Absolutely wrong, I quit and Hurt) and Maturity stage – is apprehended with phrases like; I need you, How do you see it? Let’s work it out, I will help you).
My Marriage! My Home and Family –My Vision and Goal
A good way to develop goals is to establish a “vision statement” for your marriage. When you develop this vision statement: Be specific and Be positive. There are many ways to think about vision. Vision could be described as foresight, with the significance of possessing a keen awareness of current circumstances and possibilities and of the value of learning from the past. It’s having a picture held in your mind of the way things could or should be in the days ahead. Vision is the process of creating a better future with God’s empowerment and direction. Vision is a way of describing the activity and development of a marriage. The vision you have for your marriage may be different from any other person’s. Having a vision for your marriage is having a realistic dream for what you, your spouse, and your marriage can become under God’s direction. And we need to seek what God wants for us and our marriages because, without His wisdom, what we achieve may be out of His will. We need His wisdom because, “the Lord knows the thoughts of man; he knows that they are futile” (Psalm 94:11 NIV).
Here is an example of the marriage goals some couples may have developed in order to make their marriage their home and family forever. We will show more respect for each other. We will show interest in one another when we first meet at the end of the day. We will give each other at least one compliment a day. We will listen to one another without interruption even when we don’t agree with what the other is saying. We will improve our sexual relationship. We will also be more verbal before and during lovemaking. We will demonstrate our love more, both verbally and non-verbally. We will both ask how we can help the other each day. We will say “I love you” to each other at least once a day. We will make love at least once a week. We will ask what the other wants to do on Friday and Saturday nights. We will learn to be more flexible. Etc
My Marriage! My Home and Family – Fulfilling Needs
One of the motivating factors for marriage is the fulfillment of needs in one’s life. It is admirable to say that we are marrying the other person in order to help him fulfill his needs; but, to be very honest, we hope and believe that our needs will be met too. Thus we feel that it is important for a married person to define his needs specifically and then indicate how he would like his partner to respond in order to meet those needs. Some have asked, “Doesn’t it take the romance out of marriage if you have to tell the other person exactly what you need?” Not really. In fact, it can increase the romance, since your spouse won’t have to play the game of mind reading and try to figure out what you need and what you want! My marriage, my home and my family purpose can be fulfilled if these marriage needs are met: Physical, Emotional, Spiritual, Social and intellectual.
My Marriage! My Home and Family –Roles, Responsibilities, and Decision Making
What about the question of roles and responsibilities in marriage? Who does what and why? Does he or she do it? Is it because of tradition or because of what the church has said? Or is it because that is the way it was done in your parents’ home? Failure to clarify the husband/wife roles in a relationship is a major cause of marital disruption. As a couple you will be involved in an almost endless number of activities and responsibilities. Each couple should discuss together and decide who is most competent to do each task. This clear assignment of authority and responsibility does not create a rigid relationship but allows flexibility and order in what could become a chaotic mess. With respect to decision making, the initial question is who makes the decisions in the marital relationship? Perhaps the question is not who does or who should, but who is best qualified. Who in the marital relationship exerts the most influence upon the other or carries more weight in deciding? Every couple directly or indirectly establishes a pattern for reaching marital decisions. Many of these patterns are ineffective or self-defeating. Some bring about lingering feelings of resentment. The majority of couples have not considered how they arrive at decisions.
My Marriage! My Home and Family – Spiritual Intimacy
Concluding this article of my marriage! My home and family, one important aspect to look at in making ones marriage a home and family is spiritual intimacy. Spiritual intimacy in marriage requires both partners to submit to the leadership and lordship of Christ, instead of competing for control. For a couple to have spiritual intimacy they need shared beliefs as to who Jesus is and the basic tenets of the Christian faith. You may have different beliefs about the second coming of Christ, or whether all the spiritual gifts are for today or not. One of you may enjoy an informal church service while the other likes a high church formal service, or one of you may be charismatic and the other not. There can still be spiritual intimacy within this diversity. We hear about mismatched couples when one is a Christian and one isn’t. You can also have a mismatch when both are believers but one wants to grow, and is growing, and the other doesn’t and isn’t. A wonderful way to encourage spiritual intimacy is to share the history of your spiritual life.
I must say that with these above seven concerns of marriage, if well looked at will sustain the sweet fragrance of a happy, peaceful and successful marriage life.
Felix Armooh-Biney
Blog: https://mynewantidote.blogspot.com
Visit Facebook page : Fb. me / the.antidote.17
Email : antidotefelix@gmail.com
#BE AN ANTIDOTE
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